Strange Experience

In early October I had to go to Park Royal Mall to buy travel insurance. I arrived early. Most of the shops in the Mall do not open until 10.00 a.m. but one can still access the building. On walking past a gaming store I was surprised to find a group of about 25 people seated outside  in an orderly line waiting for it to open. I assumed, Dear Friends, that this was because there was a new computer game coming out and they could not wait to buy it. I thought no more about it but on the way back from my appointment I took another look at this orderly queue. This time, as I walked past, I noted something strange. Not one of the people seated there was female! I don’t know what experts would make of this queue.  I could read between the lines but I don’t have at hand any lines between which to read. All I know is that I felt unease about what I saw.

That very night Irene and I stumbled on a current reality TV show where the police in Birmingham, UK, were dealing with the fatal stabbing of a young man.  So the tragedy eked out its conclusion to an ending where the gang members who had perpetrated the incident were arrested.  During this documentary the cameras kept flashing back to the grieving mother. Near the end they interviewed his brother. Finally they showed him and his mother poring over photographs of family events in their history.  I asked Irene what she noted about this hour long programme. Dear Friends, there was never a mention of a father, nor an uncle, nor a Big Brother.  It seemed that not only was there no adult male figure in the family’s lives but it seemed like there never had been. I suppose that I can understand this omission if that is what the grieving family wished but as an outsider looking in I wanted to know if there had been a participatory male in these boys’ upbringing. Rightly or wrongly I thought that such a thing may have been important.  

We all know, Dear Reader, that there are many successful single parents. But I was left wondering what might have been  the outcome in both of these sad stories (and yes I find a load of males lined up to obtain a sedentary, computer game ‘Sad’) if there had been a male role model for these young men. It reminded me of something Irene and I witnessed on Spanish Banks Beach a few years ago in Vancouver.

There is a reason Spanish Banks has the term ‘banks’ and it lies in the fact that wading out into the waters it takes a long time to become deep.  About 7 or 8 teenage boys had been lumbered with the task of looking after two 8 or 9 year old boys. We watched as the teenagers rushed into the water and immediately starting throwing their Frisbee and football. The two wee laddies were tentatively dipping their toes into the shallows.  We both thought that this could not last. Sure enough within minutes the teenagers were back on the beach, grabbing the wee takkers and rushing back into the deeper water and throwing them into the waves amidst shrieks of laughter.  It wasn’t long before the whole group were having an absolute ball.  And we knew as parents ourselves that the two youngsters were having the best time.  Dear Reader, it was lovely to watch, people playing outside on a hot sunny day, teenagers with a bit of responsibility and primary school boys looking up to their bigger mates.

Dear Friends, I know that I don’t have to draw your attention to the contrast here.  There is sedentary youth, impoverished youth and enriched youth.  I do not need to do the old fogey statement, “In my day” and all that nonsense about how much better we were back then , how much we loved to be outside and physical in those days because there is ample evidence of this in the beach story.  We could have been those teenagers or youngsters on that beach. There were no video games to play. I will admit that if I got into a book which I could not put down, I would try to hide away until I had finished it.. My brothers and I would play football for hours on the lawn.  But there were also the woods, the castle on the hill by the golf course. The summers seemed longer, the days were never ending. Portishead outdoor swimming pool was a 5 mile bike ride away.  I remember vividly riding along the low road there and being amazed at the fact that a field was a colour I had never seen before. I  can’t remember the colour now but one moment it was one colour, the next moment it wasn’t as millions of butterflies took flight. But I have wondered from my point here. There is something to be said for leaving youth a good deal alone so that it may discover itself. But leaving it alone in front of a screen for many hours is ‘alone’ too far in my book. John Buchan would have had us ‘try by indirections to find direction out’. Many of us wouldn’t disagree with that but most of us don’t step outside our comfort zone comfortably. So maybe we need to encourage youth to get out there and try new things when the next new thing to them is a computer game which, of course, is the same as the last old thing.

Some years ago I caught sight of a very meaningful Doonesbury cartoon in a newspaper. A man in his forties ran into a woman with whom he had graduated all those years before. Inevitably they started to talk about where life had taken them. She revealed that she had become a neurosurgeon. There was silence until he said the never to be forgotten line,

“Hmm, I think I would like to do that.”

At that point that ceased to become funny because we all know people for whom life has not really progressed since they left school. Sadly more and more of them seem to be male. And having made that statement I am now wondering if it matters at all, Females deserve their turn at the top and if they innovate, work hard and do a job that benefits society then what does it matter what gender they are.  Of course it doesn’t. If I am putting my life in the hands of a doctor, pilot, lawyer, plumber, electrician, welder then if they are the best at their job then I couldn’t care less about their gender. 

But, Dear Friends, it won’t stop 30 minutes of gender bias and gender despair when I see 25 males and no females lining up to grab a sedentary game on its first day. I find it worrisome. HoweverI try to stay not too long on a thought lest it take me prisoner. Eventually I dig for the Davidson optimism, an incongruous smile appears like a spring thaw I do  try to avoid long winters of gloomy frigidity. In other words I have seen many human beings throughout my life and have continued to be impressed with how they act when the chips are down and there is nothing left in Pandora’s Box but hope. There is plenty grit and resilience out there when we need it.  Hopefully some of those gamers can step up to the plate if things go awry.

“I appreciate the courage that you state in being willing to die for your country but would you be willing to do your Maths homework for your country.”

Ronnie Chieng to his MAGA friends.

Thanks for reading.